Navigating the Holidays After Loss or Change: Tips for Supporting Your Child

The holidays are an exciting time that provide so many opportunities for family time and fun. However, for some families, this is the first holiday season without a loved one, whether due to death, divorce, or a move. These changes can bring unexpected feelings and thoughts for you and your children. We understand that navigating grief and shifting family dynamics isn’t one-size-fits-all, so here are some tips to help support you and your family during this time.

1. Create an Open Space for Conversation

You don’t have to pressure conversations, but acknowledging how different this holiday season may be without a loved one can create space for meaningful dialogue. Work with your children to come up with ways to honor or include the absent person in holiday activities. For example:

• If a loved one has died, you could set a place at the table for them and leave out paper or sticky notes for people to write what they miss about them.

• If someone has moved, schedule a time to make cookies together via video call or play a virtual game.

• If this is the first holiday apart from a co-parent, acknowledge the challenges and brainstorm new traditions to create together.

2. Allow All the Feelings

Emotions can run high during the holidays, and it’s essential to let your child express their feelings without judgment. If they seem sad, angry, or withdrawn, remind them it’s okay to feel that way. Create opportunities for healthy coping, such as:

• Sitting together for deep breathing exercises.

• Making a playlist to listen to together.

• Engaging in creative activities or distractions like drawing or building with Legos.

Sometimes, kids need reassurance that their feelings are valid and that they don’t need to feel ashamed. Modeling openness about your own emotions can also help your child feel more connected and understood.

3. Make a Plan

Work together to create a plan for navigating difficult moments. This could include:

• Preparing answers for questions about the absence of a loved one.

• Setting time limits for gatherings to prevent emotional overwhelm.

• Discussing how your child can signal if they need a break during family events.

4. Maintain Routines Where Possible

Routines provide stability during times of uncertainty. While the holidays often mean schedule changes, try to:

• Stick to consistent bedtime rituals.

• Maintain regular family meals.

• Continue favorite weekly activities or traditions.

A sense of predictability can help children feel secure, even when other aspects of life feel different.

5. Set Realistic Expectations

The holidays may not go perfectly, and that’s okay. Focus on:

• Acknowledging and normalizing a mix of emotions.

• Finding joy in small, meaningful moments.

• Celebrating new or adapted traditions, even if they’re different from years past.

By implementing these tips, you can help your child feel supported during the holidays, no matter what challenges your family may face. Remember, it’s okay to reach out for extra help if needed.